MIA While I Was Processing....

February? I have not blogged since the end of February? Yes, it's true. I have a good reason.

Mr. HR flipped out.

Mr. HR is moving out on Monday.

I shit you not. He flipped out and we're getting a divorce.

My life has been hell since March 6th around 2pm. Mr. HR dropped the bomb on me he did not want to adopt.

I was upset with his statement, but I figure it was cold feet. In reality it wasn't cold feet. It was burning thumbs.

Burning up from texting another woman. 2200 texts in 10 days I found 4 hours after he dropped the adoption bomb on me.

I could not breathe. We were discussing iPhones, and I checked the Verizon account to see what type of data plan we needed. Oh, he needs WAY unlimited texts.

Fast forward....I confronted him. He moved to from texts to phone calls. I confronted him, he moved from calls to emails. I confronted him, he moved emails to instant messages.

I logged in as him one day on his instant messages and chatted with her for four hours. Dumb bitch never could tell a difference. Don't mess with me.

I don't know if he is still talking to her. I don't care any more. He never did check back in to the family, and he surely never made an effort to put our marriage first the way he should have after he betrayed my trust.

Mr. All the Way, my friend from 1st-12th grades (we went to school together all the way...) lectured me one night only the way a friend of 32 years can. "WHY would you settle? NEVER settle." Those words stuck.

So I processed everything, prayed hard in the middle of the night during insomnia episodes and the voice in my head that kept telling me to dig and find more dirt on him finally said, "You are done."

So I told him to leave. Monday's the day.

Saturday Night Call

Two weeks ago, something told me to get our awesome painter of 11 years to the house. We really didn't have it in the budget, but the nagging voice wouldn't get out of my head.

So Tim, bless his heart for putting up with me this long, came by the next day to give me the estimate. All last week, he and his crew painted the potential new addition's room, ceiling to floor, built in cabinets, window seat, the boys' bathroom, bath cabinets, Hare's bathroom, etc, etc, etc... All the stuff we don't have time or skills to do. Because of the age of our house, paint does not mean just the walls. It means trim, new light fixtures and so on...

Saturday night, Mr. HR and I were putting the upstairs back together when the home phone rang. It better be good if someone calls on Saturday night around here....

I answered the phone and our investigator introduced herself. She's not free during the week, and she's ready to go. Next Sunday afternoon? Absolutely. She needs three hours of our time, sans kids, for the first visit.

Oh crap. That means we have to be ready. Are we ready?

Are we?

Yes.

Thank you, Tim, for being the speediest painter I know.

Here We Go!

I received an email today stating our file has been assigned to an investigator for our home study. DHEC, the fire marshall and interview sessions to begin shortly. Here we go!

Reactions

It's been an eye-opening experience to me to see/hear people's reactions when I tell them we are going through the adoption process. When you tell someone you are pregnant, you hear squeals, congrats, when are you due, I had no idea?!?! And from my Nana, who said, "It's about time. You're not getting any younger."  (God rest her soul. I was only 29 when I got pregnant with Tortorise, not pushing menopause.)

When I tell someone we are going through the adoption process, I never know what the reaction is going to be. So far, I've heard:
1. Wow!
2. Wow.
3. What?
4. Can you pick what you want?
5. Why?
6. I want to know everything.
7. Oh, cool. Hope that works out. I knew someone who was adopted.
8. Don't you have enough kids/dogs/stress already?
9. What color?

I don't have a certain reaction I'm hoping for from anyone. Just an observation I'm noting. It definitely makes me a little more aware of how I react to important news I hear from friends/family.

Good News Comes to Those Who....Sleep?

Stomach bug hit me again today. This is #3 since November. Weight-loss kicked into overdrive baby! That is the only way I can look at it, or I will roll up into a ball and cry-I hate to feel sick.

After doing only what had to be done today, I did what I never do when working from home. I crawled into our bed, turned on the Kardashians and fell fast asleep.

When I woke up, I looked at my BlackBerry. Our social worker emailed me earlier while I was asleep and said we will be assigned to an investigator within 10-15 days, then everything gets rolling (90 day process).

I am shocked.

All of the "sit tight", "don't know when's" were wearing on me/us. Maybe this adoption thing will actually happen?

Holy crap, I have to get better fast so I can clean this house. :)

Nothing Will Budge

Ok, that's not true. The scales budged. I lost another pound this week. Yippee! More on that later.

It was time for the social worker email-what's the status, any updates? Nope. Nothing. In fact, she forwarded my email to her supervisor because:

1. She again has no updates and
2. She is tired of me asking (I'm assuming this one)

The supervisor is out of the office for several days so no update until next week I'm sure.

I called another agency today to inquire about their services. They only place newborns. When I told her we really don't want a newborn, she was shocked. Um, why wouldn't we want a newborn? I told her the kids are getting older, and I don't want this child to feel different AND be so much younger than their siblings. I also told her I didn't want to pursue anything with her agency. Not settling for a newborn.

Does that sound crazy? Maybe one day I will think I was crazy to not jump at the chance. But I have an image of him in my head. He's 2 or 3, brown hair or maybe blonde and is playing with Tortoise and Hare, smiling and laughing without a care in the world.

Is that too much to ask?

Update

Mr. HR called the social worker again. The ice storm is over, back to work, folks! Time to return some phone calls...

She finally returned his call and said no progress. The agency is waiting to hear if they will be allowed to operate with a deficit or not. If they can, things may start to move slowly but not sure when. If not, we will sit for a long, long time while the agency goes through layoffs, reduces benefits to foster families, etc.

But they will keep spending money on kids in foster care with a plan for adoption? I know it's not as easy as I think it is, but I don't understand why we keep bleeding money on kids to sit in foster care that could come out of the system to families that don't need ongoing financial support.

So we have a new governor as of yesterday, so I'm curious to see what she decides.